Tag Archive: relationships

Forgiveness Methods
Five steps for granting the gift of forgiveness (R. Klimes)
A. Acknowledge the anger and hurt caused by the clearly identied specic oenses.
B. Bar revenge and any thought of inicting harm as repayment or punishment to
the oender.
C. Consider the oender’s perspective. Try to understand his/her attitude and behaviour.
D. Decide to accept the hurt without unloading it on the oender. Passing it back and
forth magnies it.
E. Extend compassion and good will to the oender. That releases the oended from
the oense.
Four stages of forgiveness (Enright & Fitzgibbons)
1. Uncovering
Gaining insight into whether, and how, the injustice and subsequent injury have
compromised his or her life. Confronting anger and shame. Becoming aware of
potential emotional exhaustion. Becoming aware of cognitive preoccupation.
Confronting the possibility that the transgression could lead to permanent change
for them. Discovering how the transgression changed their view of the world.
2. Decision
Gaining an accurate understanding of what forgiveness is, and making a decision
to commit to forgiving on the basis of this understanding
3. Work
Gaining a deeper understanding of the oender and beginning to view the oender
in a new light (reframing), resulting in positive change in aect about the oender,
about the self, and about the relationship. Showing empathy and compassion.
Bearing the pain. Giving the moral gift of forgiveness.
4. Deepening
Finding meaning in the suering (post-suering growth). Consideration of times
when we have needed other’s forgiveness. Knowing that we’re not alone. Becoming
aware that forgiveness allows us to feel more connected with others and to experience
decreased negative emotion.

Surving Narcissism


Affection is one of the most important emotional needs to be fulfilled while in a relationship as significant as in a marriage. Not everyone knows how to give it and not all know how to receive it.
Affection is not always something that we are wise about but must learn it. Affection, in spite of not being able to give and receive it, is something we all need. Affection is learned and unfortunately, not all grow up in families where it is given spontaneously. When in a marriage some spouses have to learned how to demonstrate this important emotional need and it must learn by practicing it.
Below is a list that may be practiced by spouses. At first it may not feel real, but practice makes perfect. The simple exercise of practicing it and repeating it until it becomes more spontaneous is an effort to be respected and appreciated. For those that do not know how to receive, practice receiving with caring silence and enjoy.
1. Hug and kiss your spouse and tell them you love them every morning while you’re still in bed. Rub their back for a few minutes before you get up.
2. Tell them that you love them while you are having breakfast together.
3. Kiss them and tell them you love them before leaving for/to work.
4. Call them during the day to ask how they are doing and that you love them.
5. After work, call them before you leave to tell them when you will be home, and tell them you love them.
6. Buy her flowers on the way home occasionally, with a card that tells her you love her.
7. When you arrive home from work, give them a big hug and kiss and spend a few minutes talking to them about how their day went. Don’t do anything else before you have given them your undivided attention.
8. Tell love them that you love them as you are having dinner together.
9. Help clear off the table and wash and dry the dishes, giving them, a hug and kiss at least once, and tell them, that you love them.
10. Hug and kiss them and tell them you love them in bed before you both go to sleep.

These are only a few of the ways to express your affection. Time and repetition will help make it more spontaneous and real. Enjoy it, appreciate it and benefit from its gifts.

Madeleine Pujals Maya

Empathy is a relational way to connect! Madeleine Pujals Maya

Guatemalan ART by An Adolescent

“In Buddhism attachment is not the same thing as relationship. The Buddha never intended to discourage relationships. Affection, love, care and concern are the very essence of enlightened life. Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche explained the difference between love and attachment this way: Love is when you are thinking … “how can I make you happy?” Attachment is when you are thinking … “why aren’t you making me happy?””

“Letting Go: What it means. How to do it.” By Seth Segall, Ph.D. is a retired member of the clinical faculty of the Yale School of Medicine, the former Director of Psychology at Waterbury Hospital, and a former president of the New England Society for the Treatment of Trauma and Dissociation. He is the editor of Encountering Buddhism: Western Psychology and Buddhist Teachings published by SUNY Press in 2003. His blog,The Existential Buddhist, explores issues related to Buddhist philosophy, psychology, ethics, meditation, and social activism from a non-dogmatic point of view.

” Start Convers…

” Start Conversations and keep them going”. By Madeleine Pujals Maya


BENEFICIOS DEL MATRIMONIO    Escrito por Madeleine Pujals Maya MA, Psy. D.

“El Matrimonio funcional tiene muchos beneficios para aquellos que lo han contratado. Entre las cosas que pueden las pareja casadas disfrutar esta el Afecto, Carino, Amor, y Ternura. La Compania y la Proteccion de su companero/a. La Alimentacion suele ser mas Nutritiva y Disfutada. El matrimonio disfruta de Relaciones Intimas como el Sexo y Communicacion Afectiva. La Auto Estima es favorable entre companeros de vida. El matirmonio se provee de Ayuda Mutua y Apoyo. La Salud es mejor y mas duradera entre companeros de vida. Conyuges suelen poder Ahorrar mejor que aquellos que se encuentran solteros. En el matrimonio se dan sentimientos de Pertenencia tan necesario para una buena salud mental.
La Realizacion se puede lograr con el apoyo del companero con mas facilidad, por el fortalicimiento de tener a alguien al lado de uno quien lo ama, apoya y proteje, permitido por los sentimientos de Alta Estima que promueve una relacion comprometida, leal, responsable y funcional.”

  • Respect
  • Kindness
  • Honesty
  • Loyalty
  • Communication
  • Generosity
  • Dedication
  • Commitment
  • Affection
  • Intimacy
  • Forgiveness
  • Listening
  • Caution with Words they are powerful
  • Quality Time
  • Caring
  • Giving
  • Smiling
  • Hugs
  • Laughing
  • Sharing
  • Fun
  • Calm
  • Patience
  • Tolerance
  • Acceptance
  • Support
  • Encouragement
  • Admiration
  • Concentrate and Focus on the Positives
  • Complement
  • Appreciate
  •  Pleasure yourselves
  • Protect and Shield your relationship
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Indications for Family Therapy

1. Indirect and unclear communication
2. Roles are not clear and are invaded
3. Boundaries are trespassed
4. Conduct limites are either rigid or lax and inappropriate
5. Family involvement is indifferent, narcisistic or over involved
6. Affection is not expressed or shown or reciprocated
7. Problem solving is ineffective
8. General Functioning is disfuntional

If your family experiences any of the above, and most occur concurrently where one affects the other. It is highly recommended to consult with a Family Therapist before things worsen. Therapy should focus on helping all the family members back to functioning and feeling comfortable, and happy once again.
Madeleine Pujals Maya

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