Tag Archive: psychology


Narcissism




Change…  at some point we all want to move from who we are or do to something better, improved or different. Change is never easy, nor simple. It takes awareness, recognition and knowledge of the behavior we want to modify. Otherwise, we are not in a position to even consider the change we want to manifest. Change is a process. It’s not about going in a straight line from point A to point B. Change can move forward, sideways and backwards or in circles in a process without any definite destination. Change happens in a journey with many stops, and obstacles, which may require our effort and dedication to find new ways on how to get to our destination. That takes time, energy, will power, persistence and perseverance. It is neither simple, nor easy, but definitely possible. It requires commitment and accountability.

In the process of change, expect your journey to be difficult, expect moments of frustration, feelings of defeat and failure. But never give up. It is part of the process. Change does not happen overnight, it is not easy to change years of automatic behavior. With change you must make thoughtful efforts to move in the direction that you want to arrive. Don’t expect for it to happen quickly, nor joyfully. It can be painful and frustrating. Trying may require many restarts, many falls, and many required times of getting back up and continuing forward. It will require focus and will power, repetitious efforts until the change is consolidated. While on the journey, in those vulnerable moments when failure and defeating emotions set in, you may go back to the old behavior, or back to what is familiar. Do not forfeit your right to succeed. Take a deep breath and remember your destination, motivate yourself to get back up and continue your process. Reward your efforts, recognize your achievement and acknowledge your advancements. Remember that change will take practice and many repetitions, just as learning to ride a bike. Falling, scratching and bruising are all part of the learning process. However, once you find your balance, once you can find that homeostasis in the process to your goal and destination it will happen automatically without much more effort or thought.

Change Requires:

Awareness

Recognition

Preparation

Desire

Willpower

Patience

Perseverance

Persistence

Motivation

Compensation

Effort

Accountability

Rhythm

Action

Time

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Keep in Mind the following when considering PsychotherapyImage

Psychotherapists are different in their approaches and strategies in helping clients. However, most will provide one session per week from 45-60 minutes a session. However, sessions may be given more often depending on the situation and needs of the case. Therapy sessions may be held in settings such as a private office, clinic, hospital, agencies, nursing homes and private homes.

The first sessions are mostly geared to gather information, assess and evaluate the mental and physical health of the client to develop a treatment plan.    It is during these sessions that some of this information may be taken by another person and or by the therapist.

In the course of these sessions the client should also evaluate how he feels with the therapist and consider if he would like to continue with the therapist or look further with others until client is comfortable and can establish a necessary therapeutic bond.

Therapeutic treatment is different for everyone. The length of therapy depends on many factors. The issues to be addressed will be a factor as well as the approach of the therapy. Another important factor is the client’s resources and the desire and effort that he makes to move toward his improved well-being and change.

If time is a consideration for the client, then it should be discussed, and a starting goal to work towards and to accomplish should be established. The time frame can change as therapy moves forward and new goals are vested.

Progress should be evaluated and ongoing. Change and progress is not a smooth and straight forward journey. It may have many twists and turns and may even take some backward steps. Changing can be complicated and at times may not always go in a straightforward road.  Goals and progress will be continuously evaluated with the client as necessary.  How fast the changes happen are not as important as how persistent and constant the client maintains his motivation to change and progress. Progress should be evaluated in terms of an overall learning along the way of the journey and not on how rapid the goals are achieve. Everyone moves forward at a different pace.

Something to keep in mind is that therapy will not always be pleasant and comfortable. As treatment moves forward painful memories, frustrations, multiple feelings may surface. This is a normal process of therapy and will be guided by the therapist. If these feelings are overwhelming and make the client so miserable that he does not wish to continue therapy, the client may want to slow down and communicate these feelings to the therapist. Trust and a close communication should help provide the therapeutic relationship. These feelings should be addressed by the client and she/he should not abort the therapeutic process without understanding what is happening and how she/he should handle these stages of the treatment process.

Therapy works, but growth and change do not happen overnight. Change and growth are difficult. One cue that change is taking place is feeling more relaxed and feeling an improved mood, others noticing the changes and one noticing improved relationships with family and at work. Reactions and interactions will be noticeably different by the client and others. It is important to be aware that in the treatment process there will be setbacks and not to be discouraged as this is a normal part of the change and growth process.

In Psychotherapy it is important to note that the therapist role is not to tell you what to do. The therapist and the client are partners in the client’s recovery and treatment. The therapist guides and directs and makes suggestions for treatment, but the client is the one that must make the changes needed to move toward development and growth. In order for this to occur a commitment to treatment must be made.  The client should not skip sessions unless absolutely necessary, while in treatment.  Not wanting to attend sessions should pose the client an exploration of why he feels this way. This may be a sign of resistance to continued exploration and / or a sign that a session has touched a soft spot. This reluctance should be discussed with the therapist.

In order for the client to get the most benefit from psychotherapy, it is essential that the client share his feelings with the therapist openly and honestly. Feelings that impair sharing should be discussed with the therapist so that the therapist can work with the client to address the issues together.

Termination of treatment is a decision that depends on the client’s situation. However, ideally both therapist and client will together evaluate if goals have been met. Client and Therapist may not always agree on the discharge time. It is important to remember that the therapeutic relationship is a strong bond and the termination of treatment may be felt as a loss even in the view of a successful treatment. These feelings are normal and should be addressed.

Written and photo taken by Madeleine Pujals Maya


Reflective ART  on Sleep by Madeleine Pujals Maya

Is Falling Asleep a Challenge for you?
Below are some tips to help you improve your sleep:
Avoid caffeine (coffee, tea, soda, chocolate) and nicotine (cigarettes, tobacco products) close to bedtime.
Avoid alcohol as it can lead to disrupted sleep.
Create a sleep-conducive environment that is dark, quiet, and preferably cool and comfortable.
Exercise regularly, but complete your workout at least three hours before bedtime.
Establish a regular relaxing, not alerting, bedtime routine (e.g., taking a bath or relaxing in a hot tub).
(*Information taken from http://www.sleepfoundation.org).


Erich Fromm, The Art of Loving

“The main condition for the achievement of love is the overcoming of one’s narcissism. The narcissistic orientation is one in which one experiences as real only that which exists within oneself, while the phenomena in the outside world have no reality in themselves, but are experienced only from the viewpoint of their being useful or dangerous to one. The opposite pole to narcissism is objectivity; it is the faculty to see other people and things as they are, objectively, and to be able to separate this objective picture from a picture which is formed by one’s desires and fears.”
― Erich Fromm, The Art of Loving


Life Lessons I Learned from my Dog.


Do people ever think that maybe when others sporadically complain, and protest it’s because they are in need to unload and explore their thoughts and feelings? Do they not realize that for those who spend their professional  life listening  to others, and staying positive most of the time, it is necessary to have a session or two where they also want to be listened to even if it is about the negative, or an unpleasant  part of their life experience?. Are they so selfish that they cannot give others a moment of silence and a listening ear, without judging, without comment, without feeling sorry or wanting to fix anything?  Have People forgotten to be empathetic and just give some time to others of active listening without feeling that there has to be a response, an advice, a comment? Have they forgotten that they too at some point have probably felt the same need to have someone just listen, and be understanding?  Have they so quickly forgotten that they too need to unload and express how they feel no matter what it is that they feel and think? Do they not know that it is alright, that it is only a moment of unrest, and that it will pass and that the speaker will be safe and regroup, and have the strength to move on without their patronizing, condescending and judgmental manners and responses?

It appears that we have forgotten what it means to listen, to support, to understand, to be empathetic to others in times of need. What happened to these basic human communication skills one needs to have to keep fulfilling relationships?

“Active listening” means, as its name suggests, actively listening. That is fully concentrating on what is being said rather than just passively ‘hearing’ the message of the speaker.  An active listener provides ‘feedback’ to the person speaking so they will feel more at ease and therefore communicate more easily, openly and honestly. Listeners should remain neutral and non-judgmental, this means trying not to take sides or form opinions. Active listening is also about patience – pauses and short periods of silence should be accepted.  Listeners should not be tempted to jump in with questions or comments every time there are a few seconds of silence.  Active listening involves giving the other person time to explore their thoughts and feelings. Active listening is not passing judgment, nor making nor giving unrequested opinions or advice. Active listening is a most desired skill for good communication. Let us not forget that communication equals relationship. If we cannot have good interpersonal communication with others and provide good verbal and nonverbal feedback that conveys understanding, support and non-judgment we will fail to have meaningful relationships. Active listening is a life skill that needs to be developed by all who want to be successful in every area of life, from the professional to the personal. Learn it, develop it and practice it at every opportunity you get to interact with others. It is life changing in the most fulfilling and meaningful way.

Madeleine Maya

12/7/2013Image

Photo taken by Madeleine Pujals Maya


Do people ever think that maybe when others sporadically complain, and protest it’s because they are in need to unload and explore their thoughts and feelings? Do they not realize that for those who spend their professional  life listening  to others, and staying positive most of the time, it is necessary to have a session or two where they also want to be listened to even if it is about the negative, or an unpleasant  part of their life experience?. Are they so selfish that they cannot give others a moment of silence and a listening ear, without judging, without comment, without feeling sorry or wanting to fix anything?  Have People forgotten to be empathetic and just give some time to others of active listening without feeling that there has to be a response, an advice, a comment? Have they forgotten that they too at some point have probably felt the same need to have someone just listen, and be understanding?  Have they so quickly forgotten that they too need to unload and express how they feel no matter what it is that they feel and think? Do they not know that it is alright, that it is only a moment of unrest, and that it will pass and that the speaker will be safe and regroup, and have the strength to move on without their patronizing, condescending and judgmental manners and responses?

It appears that we have forgotten what it means to listen, to support, to understand, to be empathetic to others in times of need. What happened to these basic human communication skills one needs to have to keep fulfilling relationships?

Active listening‘ means, as its name suggests, actively listening. That is fully concentrating on what is being said rather than just passively ‘hearing’ the message of the speaker.  An active listener provides ‘feedback’ to the person speaking so they will feel more at ease and therefore communicate more easily, openly and honestly. Listeners should remain neutral and non-judgmental, this means trying not to take sides or form opinions. Active listening is also about patience – pauses and short periods of silence should be accepted.  Listeners should not be tempted to jump in with questions or comments every time there are a few seconds of silence.  Active listening involves giving the other person time to explore their thoughts and feelings. Active listening is not passing judgment, nor making nor giving unrequested opinions or advice. Active listening is a most desired skill for good communication. Let us not forget that communication equals relationship. If we cannot have good interpersonal communication with others and provide good verbal and nonverbal feedback that conveys understanding, support and non-judgment we will fail to have meaningful relationships. Active listening is a life skill that needs to be developed by all who want to be successful in every area of life, from the professional to the personal. Learn it, develop it and practice it at every opportunity you get to interact with others. It is life changing in the most fulfilling and meaningful way.

Madeleine Maya

12/7/2013


Have you been married to a Narcissist.

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